Wonderings on Going a Tiny Bit Crazy

There are two sides of me at war with themselves, each wanting to suppress the other.

Firstly there is the sensible side, the one that makes me get up and go to work everyday.  Sitting in a grey office updating spreadsheets.  This is the side that has been dominant for some time now, that knows these are the things that I need to do to earn a living and survive in a world which, unfortunately, puts money above all other needs.

The other side is the gypsy longing to be free.  It wants a life free from the same routine and the constraints of a timetable.

 This is the side that takes me out for walks in the cold crisp air, revelling in the feel of the earth beneath my feet, that has me spending my evenings painting, creating or even just daydreaming about all the wonderful possibilities life has to offer.

Despite the inevitable tiredness at the end of a working day I’ve been trying to give the creative side of me a little more time.  The trouble is it’s a greedy little thing and the more time I give it the more it wants.  I find myself getting resentful at having to sit staring at a computer screen all day, I look outside and long to escape, to breath in huge gulps of restorative air.

Then take myself back to my home, where I know my cats are waiting for me, all snuggled up on the sofa or the bed.  Where my creative projects sit, waiting to be taken up again and given the time they deserve, the time that will eventually lead to them finally being finished. 

The question I’m asking myself more and more is how do I find that balance so that both parts of me are satisfied.  Is there a way that I can combine doing the things I love with earning money and if not yet, how do I head towards that direction?

Something like this teashop would be wonderful set in a country park, taking care of chilly weary walkers, families out to play in the sunshine or people just stopping by for the company.

Then spending my evenings painting, or making pretty fantastical creatures, or even coming up with new baking recipes to try out.

It’s a difficult thing to try and achieve but I know that if I manage to find that balance whether through a teashop or something else entirely different then I will be pretty much unstoppable. ;-)